


Bidget Boston Bobster

by lonzha572



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Food Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Black tea and milk are married, Crack, Emo tofu, F/F, Other, bambri's rats are hamsters sometimes, canele baptized her in a kitchen sink, escargot is small snail, gingerbread is best girl, mango Pudding calls out omurice for racefaking, there will be other tags for characters but we're too lazy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-08-02 09:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16302758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonzha572/pseuds/lonzha572
Summary: the food souls get in a killing game! will black tea ever get back to her wife milk? will t*mpura get uncensored ever? can sukiyaki speak in anything other than emojis? Will this crack fic ever gain fame? read to find out! t*mpura fans dont interactThis fic is going to be very cringy and ooc, sowwy owo. approach with caution. first fic ever, so don't be too harsh.This is written alongside tangyuanz/frigidhaven on Tumblr. stan TWICE!-tangAlso follow me if you want on tumblr @gay4malk if you want. i don't upload much.





	1. crepe makes guess ill die pose

**Author's Note:**

> Warning TWICE, cringy, but good for daily dose of crack.  
> (BOSTON LOBSTER IS A FINGER FOOD AND A MIDGET)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look at the end for sukiyaki translation

Gingerbread fell out of the locker but she had her shield so she was fine. T*mpura fell out from another one. He hit the shield and he died bc he sucks.  
“Wow is this supposed to be a school” Gingerbread said.  
Then Jiuniang fell on T*mpura and he died more. But since he's a cockroach he came back to life  
“Darn” Gingerbread said  
“hewwo I'm jiuniang”  
“Nice to meet u Johnny”  
T*mpura went away bc no one liked him.  
Gingerbread and Jiuniang left the room, where they met Emo Tofu.  
“have u seen my little brother look out for him”  
“What is his name”  
“salty he is a salt pillar”  
Gingerbread said “yeah where is he”  
“I lost him around the world.”  
Jiuniang said 'oof”  
Then they saw Hamsters running around biting things. “They probably have rabies” Emo said and then Bamboo Rice slapped him. “No bulli the Hamsters’  
“h*msters” he said and ran away.  
Bamboo said to Gingerbread u like hamsters  
No  
“THEN PERISH” he said and he used his thot laser to shoot her but it didn't work bc she wasn't a thot.  
“If she breathe she a thot!” Popcorn said. He shot her too but it didn't work.  
Jiuniang said “what's a thot all women are Queens!” Popcorn was stunned by the truth but he still said “anyway I'm still the best”  
“No ur just a m card” Bamboo said and to prove it he turned into Green Sonic and yet Popcorn across the room.  
“Oh yikes” best girl Gingerbread said and she went with jiuniang into a garden like place. There was Mango Pudding and she went “oh hey I love making friends!”  
Jiuniang said shyly “u must have lots of friends!”  
“Yeah people build temples to me all the time” Mango said.  
“You're not allowed in this Christian school.” Gingerbread yet her too.  
Then Sake walked in. “Oh wow it's my sister”  
“Hewwo bro”  
“no hewwo in my Christian household”  
Omurice pops up and said “Jello” but he got shot too by Sake's thot laser. It worked. He cosplayed Jello and got shot again. “We gotta go somewhere Christian” Gingerbread said.  
In the dining hall they saw Escargot who was passed on the floor. “Me small snail” he said. In his mind he heard Foie Gras say “grow up”  
There was also Depression Cake holding his Aesthetic Umbrella™ that made all the weebs die instantly. As soon as she saw them Crepe hugged them. Jiuniang got a paper cut from the fan. She bled alcohol. By smelling it, they all got drunk. “Ok” she said.  
When they all got over it and went somewhere else, Gingerbread and Jiuniang bumped into the distinguished lesbian Black Tea. “where is my gf” she had gay thoughts about Milk.  
T*mpura came in like the annoying thot he was and still is. Black Tea shot him bc she has standards and more gay power than him. Sukiyaki came in and said “l0-0l + 8===D?” but Bifty got mad and set him on fire. “8< owo --> ;n;” he said like a pony. Then Johnny died.  
Gingerbread brought Johniang back to life.  
“as ur butler-” Brownie said. “Shut up” said T*mpura. Brownie was sad. Everyone felt sorry for him. Everyone slapped T*mpura.  
“Hey y'all better go to the gym” said Rice. “Lol”  
“why tho” said Jiuniang. “I'm only a r unit so I'm not a good fighter”  
“To kill each other lol”  
“But I have subjective thinking” said Gingerbread.  
“What's that lol” Rice got shot bc she was saying lol too much.  
Everyone went to the gym anyway. There another Rice was waiting for them. “I'm Rice Krispies lol” she said.  
“shut up” T*mpura said. Rice and Rice Krispies both slapped him.  
“Y'all are going to be stuck here forever unless you kill someone else lol.” Rice Krispies laughed. “But u also have to get away with it in the investigation and trial. So you better be sneaky lol”  
Brown Rice came in too. “Yeah go kill each other lol”  
“But we're Food Souls we can't die” said Bifty.  
“Yeah I tried” said Raindrop Cake.  
“U guys don't have contracts tho and we have sciencey stuff so yeah u dead” said all 3 Rices.  
Sticky Rice and Long Rice came in too. “Five Rices lol”  
Everyone looked at T*mpura. “Ur dead” Gingerbread said.  
“0u0”Sukiyaki said. “Wut” everyone else said.  
";D"  
“Ur a thot so u don't have the guts,” T*mpura said, clearly lying.  
“Let's see lol” Long Rice said “Someone has to die tomorrow or everyone does lol”  
“I guess Black Tea, the URs, and I will have to carry y'all through this killing game,” Emo said. The mentioned people didn't know whether to feel happy that they were good units or be upset that he was insulting everyone else. ":) 2 |> <"ponyyaki said. ginger slapped him for bullying seven year olds.  
Le next day, Gingerbreab remembered how Canele baptized her in the kitchen sink. “everyone should get baptized” she said  
“im not christian tho my only deity is jello” said omurice. “Same but im my god” said Mango. Bc Ginger was stronger than Omuweeb, she dunked him into a sink. “Ur baptized now” omurice got the cross things in his eyes. “darn i wanted jello eyes”  
Away from the violent baptizing, Emo was in the library investigating Rice’s secret door. “wow is there one for every rice” he said. he tried to open it but he couldnt cuz he was a healer so he just made the door stronger  
Gingerbread came up behind him and stabbed him in the head with her sword “u be ded” she said. then she ran off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First sentence: Do robots have dicks?  
> Second sentence: o no my tuff tuff hair  
> Third phrase: oooooo  
> Fourth phrase: ahahahahahaha  
> Fifth sentence: nice thing that double scoop isn't here bc they suck


	2. blonde discourse 1.5 chap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> crepe wants r unit supremacy.
> 
> Edit:why is no one commenting? Comment you cowards(jkjkjkjk, but a lil feedback would be nice)

“salad noises” said emo, who was now dead. “i didnt even do anything other than get upset over h*msters”  
“you deserve it” said his brother.  
emo remembered that everyone hates him. he became more emo bc he is best healer but worst boy “no one else here died so i have no one to be a creep to” he thought.  
escargot walked in. “who he” emo was sad. “idc im just small snail” he lied down next to emo’s corpse and took a nap. “no” said foie gras. “get up thot” but he was already in a coma.  
bambri walked into the library with his hamsters. “my hamsters have taken revenge” he said.  
bifty came in too. “did snail man kill him?” as he said that, the bda came on. “a body has been discovered lol!” rice said. “come to the library lol” everyone went to the library.  
“did the snail kill him” bifty said again.  
“hes literally napping next to the corpse” said crepe. “i knew i couldnt trust those useless srs”  
mango got mad. “no ur useless” emo got mad from the grave. “you’re just discount discount sanma” sukiyaki was also mad but he knew he was useless too.  
bifty, black tea, and jiuniang went off to investigate. no one noticed.  
gingerbread entered the room soaking wet. “i went swimming”  
“k” everyone replied.  
“theres a yellow hair here, further proof that escargot killed him” crepe said.  
“x| | | |-->2” said sukiyaki. no one understood him. “crepe its called blonde and ur blonde too” oworice translated. “ur blonde too” said crepe. bifty said, “his name is escargot? i thought he was just the snail”  
“you… you’re also blonde” said black tea. “there are way too many blonde people here”  
“B L O N D E C E P T I O N” said Escargot, waking up from his coma. “soon, you too will join the blondes” the non-blondes, jiuniang, raindrop, brownie, bambri, sukiyaki, and black tea, were not intimidated by him. except for suki he is a COWARD.  
black tea pointed her gun at escargot. he went back to sleep. “do something” foie gras hissed at him. but he was already dead.  
“whos ready to BLONDECOURSE” said oworice, holding his lightstick like a sword. “<\--X-->” said sukiyaki. he hit owo once and he died bc hes weak. “this was a bad idea” said bifty. “oh well” said ginger.  
“TIME’S UP LOL” all the rice’s said.  
“did we really waste all our time on blonde discourse” said black tea. “one by one we r units will kill you srs” said crepe. mango pudding prepared her thot laser for future use.  
\---  
“??LX??” Sukiyaki said.  
“@” Escargot replied.  
“u guys can both speak in emoticon”  
“uh udon’s not even here”  
“but me just small snail”  
“<<<\- + EEE|” omurice quietly owoed. “XX<<<\- + EEE| -O XX”  
“no the emoticon is spreading”  
“what are they even saying” said bifty.  
“escargot killed him” ginger said.  
Jiuniang thought to herself. a tree… and, uh?? suddenly she Knew bc she wasn’t a thot.  
“gingerbread killed him”  
“top 10 anime betrayals!” ginger said. “how could you”  
crepe made guess ill die pose. “urs also suck. only rs allowed”  
rice brought in aluna and he yeeted gingerbread into death with emo tofu. and so the only ones left alive now were,,,  
johniang, me small snail, milk’s wife, depression cake,as your butler, macaron’s wife, problematic favorite, thotcorn, bambri, pony yucki, t*mpura (sadly), roomba, and weeb  
“sup” said emo.  
“go away” said gingerdead.  
“dont you want to know my real name” he said in his thotty stalker voice.  
“no”  
“fine” he died again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sukiyaki: its called blonde and you r blonde  
> Sukiyaki: i will kill u  
> Sukiyaki: who killed him??  
> Escargot: Udon  
> Omurice: Gingerbread, Gingerbread killed him


	3. 13 levels of T*mpura + Thanksgiving "Special"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes  
> This is random  
> We posted this late cuz who has time on thanksgiving to actually post stuff  
> Well Tang got Thanksgiving dinner and i got nothing  
> I mean, enjoy some work  
> Btw we didn't finish the Halloween special but you know what, we're gonna post it. we were late since we came up with the idea right on Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 13 levels of how Thotpura sucks  
> Also some weird Thanksgiving things happening

13 Levels Of T*mpura (+thanksgiving special)  
#1: 13 reasons he sucks  
1.He’s ugly  
2.He’s a thot  
3.Sanma and Miso deserve better  
4.He’s a horrible unit  
5.He self buffs  
6.He has too many muscles  
7.Too many thirsty fangirls  
8.He has puffy pants like Salty  
9.He got censored  
10.Arms are too thin relative to rest of him  
11.Weird emblem  
12.He’s ugly again  
13.Why y’all thirsty  
#2: Sanma and Miso only have one hand each  
https://66.media.tumblr.com/ac862763964e5d907777fa110c32d404/tumblr_pittc1K6uT1v0my5u_540.png 

#3: everyone who would slap thotpura  
Everyone

#4: people t*mpura are better than  
No one

#5: he gets cucked and is a cuck  
Miso cucked him

#6: everyone but without thotpura  
He felt bad and he deserves it

#7: things he’s bad at  
1.being a good unit  
2.doing damage  
3.not haunting summons  
4.being tolerable  
5.not being a thot  
6.deserving anything  
7.deserving miso and sanma  
8.not getting cucked  
9.being better than anyone  
10.not deserving to die  
11.surviving  
12.existing in a good way  
13.everything

#8: salad hits him with his vegetables  
“im a tofu chicken” salad said. everyone ate him. they also tried to eat thotpura but he’s a cockroach and was too disgusting. salty planned salad’s further death. he was the real tofu chicken.

#9: black tea is gayer than him  
she shot him bc she could. milk cheered. they were happy and got married.

#10: toso the thot killer stabs him  
“hey can i take a picture of you two” toso said to sweet and thotpura.  
when they did she came up and stabbed them to death.  
she burnt the picture because they’re thots.

#11: t*mpura sucks by existing  
sanma’s cats hate him. he’s disgusting seafood.

#12: vodka kills him  
vodka is a queen and she froze thot to death

#13: thotpura sucks  
if you are t*mpura, will ever be t*mpura, have ever been t*mpura, use t*mpura, or like t*mpura you are a thot

Thanksgiving special:  
Salad was already dead, but he was still the tofu chicken. Salty was salty. But no one cares about him.  
Boston Bobster and Bruffles came in together because they were both midgets. Tiramisu and Birthday Cake looked at each other and decided to ignore them.  
“cooked salad is dead this proves im the real tofu chicken” salty said  
“thats wrong” said hobo chicken “square up thot”  
“this is so dumb let’s leave” birthday cake said. she took tiramisu’s giant spoon and hit bentury begg with it. “you thot”  
saladead, salty, and hobo fought each other. no one won bc they all suck.  
sweet shrugged. “oh well” he looked around. “where’s peking he’s supposed to be here”  
“that would be cannibalism” tiramisu said. “if you’re a bird you can’t just eat a bird in front of your birds”  
sweet ate tofu in front of salty  
“does that mean you think im a bird” salty said  
“yes”  
“so im the real tofu chicken”  
saladead and hobo were disappointed  
but then chicken chops/fried chicken/whatev came in. “behold… the Real tofu chicken”


	4. Santa Steak (Halloween special)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween Special! Tang wrote most of this since I thought we weren't gonna post it cuz halloween is over already but here. I actually didn't read over anything.... Also the Bifty and Milt chasing Popcorn was from my guild where a Milt started to chase my Popcorn while i was messing around, and then Bifty joined in and that's how I accidentally made my guild play tag and actually talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We thought T*mpura thirsty fangirls are gonna come get us after the last chap, but ok. We wanted feedback from them ;).

Halloween special:  
Jiuniang and Gingerbread were putting up decorations for Halloween. Jiuniang was blowing up a balloon until Steak bursts in with a Santa Claus costume. “HOHOHOSH-” Steak said before he got yeeted by Red Wine. “Wrong holiday, sorry.” He said. Hamburgo then proceeded to yeet Red Wine across the room. “No bulli-” but got slapped by Gingerbread. The tension was thick in the air. Heavy metal music played in the background. Jiuniang was confused. They just started off with just putting up decorations and now this. Sake came in and took Jiuniang away.  
Ginger rolled her eyes. “Thots.”  
The heavy metal got louder.  
“What did you just call me?” Red Wine said.  
“Thot,” she said, louder.  
“No, we literally can’t hear you,” HOHOHOSHI/Steak said.  
She went up to HOHOHOSHI and screamed, “THOT!!”  
Cola’s music turned off.  
Vodka, Crepe, and Sanma all turned to look at her. Cola stood in the corner, laughing silently.  
“Those darn URs and SRs,” Crepe said in a grandma voice. “R supremacy!”  
“I’m leaving,” Sanma nyad. “My cats need to stay pure.”  
“Thot,” one of the cats meowed.  
Sanma went up to Gingerbread and stabbed her.  
“shes dying” cola said casually.  
“no healers here. oh well. guess ull die” crepe said, but she was smiling.  
sweet tofu walked in. “did someone say healers” in his thotty voice.  
crepe made cross sign. but canele and pretzel came in, and w red wine and ginger they made cross sign too. “only we t pose for jesus” they said. then they all yeeted crepe.  
“wtf” beer said. canele yeeted him too.  
pretzel left. “I need to arrest bloody mary again”  
sweet kidnapped gingerbread. he walked outside.  
Milt and Bifty were chasing Popcorn around the guild for five min. They saw Sweet kidnapping Gingerbread but only Bifty cared.  
“What do you think ur doing emo” Bifty said, still chasing Popcorn. He didn't ask for help because he was too proud.  
macaroon and Cooked Salad came in. “Isn't this supposeddddddddddd to be a costume party?” They asssskee. “But I'm a robot” Bufty said. “Aren't you that everyday?” Emo said and everyone yeeted him. Cooked and macaroon went inside. Salad was cooked and Macaron was macaroon.  
Red Wine and Steak were trying to YEET each other. Cola and Hamburger were watching. No one was worried about Gingerbread. It was sad.  
“Where's Yogurt?” Hamburger asked. “I thought all the herbivores were coming to the party.”  
Nasi Lemak walked in, but she was actually Yogurt. Yogurt walked in, but she was actually Nasi Lemak. Hamburger was so surprised he died. Yogurt-dressed-as-Nasi-Lemak didn’t care because she had never even met him before.  
“macaron” said macaroon. no one noticed.  
milk and steak, two other herbivores, walked inside. “where’s cheese” said milk.  
“in the haunted amusement park” nasi lemak said.  
cheese texted milk a picture of pizza wearing a skirt.  
sweet dragged ginger’s corpse behind him. “i only do aoe heal sorry” they all made the cross sign at him. tiramisu arrived cosplaying monika. she and canele brough ginger back to life. cola played the titanic song. sanma was still a little mad.  
jiuniang and sake walked back in with bifty, milt, and popcorn. “now we’re all here”  
ginger said: “why were bifty and milt chasing thotcorn around”  
“bc im the best” said popcorn and he did a hair flip thing.  
“no” milt said. “it’s bc you’re a thot.” she and bifty took out their thot lasers and shot popcorn. it worked. tiramisu, salad, sweet tofu, milk, yogurt, and milt all ignored him. he died. cola played a laugh track.  
they all had fun at the party without thotcorn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ppl be shaming me for having Thotcorn as my fave M soul. I love Cheese too. He a thot that's tru (Srsly have you read his backstory????)  
> The Steak and Hoshi joke was from how deep Steak's voice is when he does his linked skill. Like wtf


	5. Tofu Chicken, The Sequel to the Special Chapter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tofu chicken, the sequel.  
> The true tofu chicken is revealed, but there's no heir to the throne. Who will be next? this will not be explained in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is supposed to be a drv3 and ff crossover crack, but this is getting why too off track. i am sorry for procrastinating.

Tofu chicken: the sequel  
“Bro… bro… “ Cola nyad. “We are rocka…”  
Hamburgo was disturbed.  
“I diagnose you with dumb energy” Sweet said. “You have 2min 4secs to live.”  
“hey you… bro…” cola said  
hamburgo knew what to do. “I'll get the vine compilation ready”  
“Vine dead tho” said sweet but no one listened.  
2 min later cola dead  
his last words were “too bad high five bro”  
sweet pretended to take off a hat “we Stan the real tofu chicken”  
salty who had the same energy came in and said “I feel betrayed I thought I was the real one”  
“sorry no one stans you” hamburgo said. he was already over cola.  
“I need a new bro now” he thot  
he walked out of the room. “where's steak” he asked tiramisu.  
“In the fish tank”  
“K”  
back in the room, salty was trying to kill his bro bc he thought he was the real tofu chicken. it didn't work bc sweet was too useful. We're not going to say good because he's not.  
“I'm literally just trying to go to chicken chops funeral” said sweet in his stupid thotty voice.  
“Why he's a chickenfaker. You know im the real tofu chicken”  
“No ones the real tofu chicken. There is no tofu chicken”  
Salty was so shook he died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very short chap, tang said it was complete and told me to post it so here.


	6. Chapter 2: Low quality Fanservice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, the chapter I procrastinated on so long, it was written first when we just started this fic lol.  
> The official chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's T*mpura and Popcorn hate(but we Stan him now uwu)  
> I also included the 2 events in chap 2 in drv3 but they suck.  
> Anyways the Sukiyaki translation will come later since we're on a trip and wifi is scarce. Oh no wifi, scary
> 
> nvm, im too lazy to write suki translation. you all with drv3 knowledge probably can figure this out

Jiuniang was sad. Gingerdead was gone. Now who will make all the Christian jokes and cheer her up now? “O well, time not to b liek Emo Tofu now.” Jiuniang walked in to le dining hall. She couldn't stop thinking about Gingerbread tposing for Jesus. Sukiyaki”|O? XP? XD” or something like that bc no one knows how he talks. Crepe slapped him. “Thot” she said. T*mpura walked in but before he could say anything, he got shot again. He was so unlikeable that no one noticed. Jiuniang was still depressed bc Gingerbread died. T*mpura stood up and went to comfort Jiuniang but got kicked by Black Tea. Brownie made brunch for everyone bc breakfast is for the weak. He cooked Miso Soup and Rice into the meals without anyone noticing.  
“(o.o)=o~” Sukiyaki screamed. Brownie was SHOOKED. Bambi kneeled down and pleaded “ what he said” Brownie was more SHOOKED. Bifty set both of them on fire. Everyone tried ignoring them but Crepe screamed: “ OMFG LOOK HOW CUTE ESCARGOT LOOKS WHEN HE EATS” “Run” Foie Gras whispered in his head. He fell asleep.  
Everyone finished eating, Sake started being creepy and Crepe started talking about shopping and balls. Somehow, Escargot fell asleep, face in a pot of boiling water. Everyone questioned his survivability. Bifty watched them eat. He can't eat and cried, then remembered he can't cry, so he curled up in the corner. Mango Pudding tried starting convo but it turned racist. Jiuniang was sadder now everyone forgot about Gingerbreab. Man this is supposed to be funny, now it's depressing.

Jiuniang went to gamble. She was too young so she got kicked out. Sake went instead. There. He met T*mpura, Thotcorn, Midgetyaki, and Depression Cake. “I am rlly awesome at gambling :D” T*mpura said. Everyone was shocked at how he spoke emoticon. “*x0$$$ XD” Sukiyaki said. What a mysterious being. No one liked Thotcorn at the moment so they skipped him, he cried. Depression Cake didn't want to be there, but due to the plot, he stayed. They all gambled. T*mpura went broke, Sukiyaki was staring at Depression Cake, no one liked Popcorn still, Sake did not like it, and Raindrop Cake became rich due to his insane UR luck. He made everyone upset and jelly(omurice gasped and choked) hE dId NoT mEeT tHe StAnDaRdS oF a BuTlEr. So it was that moment, when Brownie plotted his murder.

Brownie walked out of his room thing. A maid dress was shoved in his face along with cat ears and a note. The note said 'Funnier than cauliflower Gyoza’. Brownie went “lel wut ok” and changed into the maid costume. He walked out of the dorm and T*mpura saw him and died, everyone cheered. Then he came back 2 seconds later bc magic. Everyone was disappointed. Popcorn thought Brownie was a gurl. He got into sassy mode. “How could u meet someone as perfect as me” he bragged. Everything(yes everything) around him cringed. Jiuniang walked in and said “ Dats Brownie tho.” Popcorn cringed. “No other guys sux lol.” (HE'S BEEN INFECTED WITH THE RICE DISEASE) Brownie was sad, he couldn't be funnier than cauliflower Gyoza. Popcorn then pointed to Brownie Phoenix Wright style and said “Massage me, PEASANT” Brownie gasped. “ aS yOuR bUtLeR-” Popcorn slapped him. “Go to pool. I DEMAND” Brownie went bc he's a butler. Sake pulled Jiuniang away. SHE WAS TOO PURE. Everyone followed them bc fanservice. Brownie then proceeded to massage Popcorn. Popcorn paid him 10,000 dollars. The end.

Rice Ballz crashed into everyone's room. “Ok, listen up you lil shi-” but got shot instead. Rice Krispies slammed a bunch of iPads on the floor in the middle of the room “here's some free iPads lol. Take one and it'll be your's lol” Everyone took an iPad cuz, let's be honest here, who wouldn't take a free iPad if Apple just went up to you and said, here have a iPad. Someone fixed the walls. Jiuniang looked at her iPad and opened it. But it said “watch this ad and we'll give you your password lol”. It was that moment, Jiuniang knew, she got scammed. T*mpura popped up on the screen and Rice started narrating, but the second Jiuniang saw T*mpura, she threw the iPad acrossed to room and smashed it. 

A few days passed since the Rice krispies bothered them. Bamboo Rice ran down the halls naked and screeching with his ratsters in his arms. On the way, he grabbed everyone. “RATTIE MEET AND GREEEEET” He screamed like his life depended on it.  
“H...h*msters…” Emo said in death. He was shook.  
Everyone woke up. Bamboo Rice was still there, naked. They all covered Jiuniang's eyes for the innocence sake. Sukiyaki was there, smiling, kinda like the Rices. “[]<\-->[]” He said. No one knew what it is but everyone was mad. “[|||] + oooo?” He asked Bambi. “Brownie said he didn't wanna come, and Popcorn was too scary, cuz he running around naked too”

Escargot was setting up his magic show poster, kinda. He was being dragged around by his imaginary Foie gras. Everyone saw the posters and went to the gym to see magic. Escargot was standing on top of a tank. “For my magic trick” he said “I will sleep under water for 24 hours” foie gras said “but you do that everyday” Escargot jumped into the tank and instantly fell into a coma. The other souls lifted up the curtain and saw Escargot sleeping next to Depression Cake. Oh. Right. RD can't swim. But he's dead anyways so it didn't matter too much (press f for respect) Mango Pudding yelled “HES PROBABLY A RACE FAKER” Bifty stood up and said “I don't need to say anything.” Then he yeeted mango. Jiuniang was now more depressed since someone else who she barely knows, died. The monitor thing rang. On and on. Rice popped up on the screen thing. “A body has been discovered lol. Investigation time lol”  
“I swear one day I will YEET you,” Black Tea said. “I'll yeet you into death.”  
“I can't be yeeted lol.” le screen blackens. Jiuniang went over to the tank where Escargot was cuddling up with a corpse. Foie gras is screaming so loud, that you can almost hear her. “Someone smash this” Jiuniang said. Almost immediately, Crepe picked up Bifty, the closest UR to her, and threw him. The glass was smashed and Escargot along with Rain washed out. “Who did this?” Jiuniang said. “I'm not mad, I just wanna know.” “I did, I-” Brownie started “no, no you didn't, Mango?” “Don't look at me, look at Sukiyaki.” “>:0 XP = X” “Weird, how did you know he's dead?” “--> XP & XP” “suspicious.” Jiuniang cuts everyone off. “ok, this is getting out of hand.” She proceeded to investigate.  
“There's a piece of black cloth here” she said. “and there's a floaty here”  
“But how do you know that's a floaty? It's up there and you're like, down here”  
“protag perk”  
They moved Escargot's body along with raindrop's nonexistent skeleton aside. “There's a piece of hair here” Johnny said. Everyone looked. There was nothing “what” “Well, you see, it's a very cliche element and imp-”  
“That's enough evidence for today” They took a nap.


	7. Oof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah

We officially announce bidget dead, because we have more things to do, and writing this just isn't at the top of priority list, we might maybe post some if we have time, but that's not likely. Thank you for reading this crack fic, we had fun writing it.

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! you made through! comment about this or something.
> 
> We found out emojis are too powerful for ao3, so now there will be emoticons only. poor sukiyaki.


End file.
